To have a man touch me as so..To have a man treasure and love me.. To dream of such an event..

Nickelback : 'Photograph' Ok..so I was cleaning my apartment tonite when i heard this song, and then had to play it over and over again. I then got overwhelmed by the urge to look at past photos and laugh and cry..high school was...a challenge. I learned then that most people werent nice (went to a catholic school for 9 years then public high school) I was not prepared for the experience. I was more or less sheltered by nice people most of my life. The top right five are from kindergarten to my senior ball. The top left is growing up at my house in between, so are the bottom. Many phases, many years, many experiences..I learned that life ends, love dies. Your first kiss happens, then you think your first break up will end your life (so painful then so funny now) Grass fights with friends and siblings rocks...also the many games..red rover, hope to see the ghost tonight, hide and seek, tv tag, kiss and catch..those horrid ghost stories by the camp fire melting smores and knowing that the scariest thing in life was those ghosts. Being a virgin through high school and a "slut" at the same time..very comical. I learned how to defend myself in a proper lady like way and how to punch and step into it..lol That the school is full of backstabbers, the sluts were the cheerleaders, I was a jock ... track, indoor track, soccer, basketball, cross country... You realize the dangers of men, of what they greedily take.. Of how friends can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye forever, and your boyfriend, how you try to find answers at the bottom of a bottle and blame God for mistakes humans make. How well I know that. How I was the only girl in my class going on religious retreats through high school, while the others were partying and drinking...well there were those summer 4th of July parties...*chuckle* But still mostly innocent..no spin the bottle..although something along the name of Doctor? is that why I have such an aversion to them? haha Ok. so what else did i learn..oh that i chose to live on my own instead of my scholarships to college.. hey i was 17!

All that matters is here..in the heart and soul...

"If I Ain't Got You"ByAlicia Keys

Looking into the depths of his eyes, trying to find the truth,the way..the light...the distance gets further, the voices quieter, the darkness seeps in and takes hold of me, not wanting to let me go. reaching up to grab hold of something, anything to help..reaching into darkness..seeping in deeper..

"Broken - Featuring Amy Lee"BySeether


"Never There"ByStrata

The words touch me, the lyrics run deep, where was he when I needed him most, where were his comforting supporting arms, he said he would always be there for me, where was his love he promised would always he there..yet here I sit all alone, once again, just an emptiness consuming me, knowing if I call he will not be there, only being able to trust myself..my eyes close, the phone drops, the tears fall, the helplessness overtaking me, wanting to feel a comfortable numbness..needing to feel nothing, aching to close it up again under lock and key never to be opened again. knowing that all i ever wanted was his strong arms protecting me and truth in his words. he disappears into the night without a trace, coming to light at his convenience, expecting me to be there for him strong and untouched. knowing that anymore will lead him to breaking me. needing to find the strength within myself to move on and forget him, knowing he isnt good for me. he knows just how to play me, how to make me think we are one, close, in love, joined..then to get lost again in the shadows, leaving me to fend off the beasts alone.

Bleeding Hearts...........

Give Yourself to Me

I lay in bed, wishing you were here with me. I hear you in the bathroom. Eyes closed. I hear you turn on the water for the shower. I can picture you, in my minds eye, naked, reaching to adjust the water temperature. I feel desire rise in my belly. I climb out of bed, pulling my nightie up over my head, as I cross to the bathroom door. I can see you through the partially open door, as you step in under the water. I love to watch you, the way you move, and the way your muscles move, under your skin. You haven't noticed me yet. Naked, I watch you through the shower door, your head back, eyes closed as you let the spray rain down over your head. I quietly open the door and slip inside and close the door, but you sense me and you bring your head down opening your eyes. I smile up at you as I reach for you. The slow grin on your face tells me you welcome me, as you open your arms to me. My hands slide smoothly up your chest as I step into your arms, right up on my toes, for a kiss. The warm water runs over us. Your lips so soft, wet and hot cover my own, and I am yours. My body molds against yours. I feel your hardness against the softness of my belly and my heart skips a beat. You arouse me so easily. Your hands smooth down my back to under my backside, to grip me there, lifting me up higher and tighter against you. I moan into your mouth and I feel you smile. You know exactly, the effect you have on my senses. You overwhelm me; you flood my senses with lust and desire. You set fire to my blood, and you know it very well. Releasing my lips you begin to kiss my throat, continuing down to my breast, lifting me up like a child, I wrap my legs around your waist. Your lips close around my breast. My hands grip your shoulders, and I watch your mouth on me. I feel your tongue as it finds my nipple, then I feel you begin to suckle, and I moan. You release one breast only to capture the other in your wonderfully talented mouth. I can feel that sensation that pulls from my breast to my core. I can feel that melting sensation there, that tells me my body is preparing for you. I feel the ache, so sweet. I feel your hardness move up and down against my bottom. You release my breast and pull back to look down at me. You growl deep in your throat and step forward till my back touches the cold tile wall. You lower me to my feet and bend to kiss my breast, lowering to your knees, you then kiss my belly. My breathing is loud to my own ears, knowing what you want. You run your hands up my thighs, sliding to the inside, then sliding upward, pressing my thighs open. You kiss low on my belly, just above my mound. Lifting one leg up, draping it over your shoulder. You can feel my belly quiver, and say. "Do you want me to kiss you here?" Your lips graze my mound. "Or maybe, here" Your lips graze my outer lips. I whisper, "Yes… there". Your fingers slide through as you stroke and kiss, saying "Do you want me to touch you?" I moan "Yes, please, touch me." I feel your fingers slide inside me. You feel me flood your hand. You murmur," I must taste you, Sweet." You sip at me with a kiss where you know my little bud is hiding. Then you let your tongue slide through. I grip your head in my hands as my body pulses with need. You lick and kiss and lick some more, using your fingers to spread my lips. Your tongue is tracing the inside of my lips, and then dips deep into my center. My hips begin to rock forward and back. You press my hood up and you lick my swollen little bud. I shiver and moan your name. With this you press your face deep and suck. You slide 2 fingers inside me and you search for what you know is ready for you. My whole body begins to shake as I thrust my hips up. I cry out and hold on tightly as the spasms wrack my body. You stroke me a little more and then you stand. You keep one hand on my mound, pressing, you just hold me there, letting my tremors subside. My hands find your hips and your thighs. I tell you "I love the feel of you" and I take your core in my hands….feeling you throb for me. You let me stroke you for only a minute or two before you tell me to turn around. "Place your hands on the wall for me" you tell me. I turn around and face the wall… placing my hands on the tile, where you indicate. You slide your hands from my shoulders, down my back to my hips. Then your hands slide down the back of my thighs and between my knees pressing them apart. You say "like this". Your hands come up under me and stroke me intimately, and I separate my legs further. You stroke me a little longer and I find it difficult to remain standing as the tremors begin anew. Then you reach around my hip and your fingers stroke between the folds there as you place yourself at my entrance. The anticipation is so sweet. I arch my back as you slide inside me. Filling me, so completely, in one strong stroke. Your fingers find my sweet spot and I feel that sweet pressure building inside me. My belly quivers. My insides clench around you. My breathing accelerates and I cry out in a broken moan. You wrap one arm around my waist and pull me closer to you as I brace myself against the wall. I cry out again …. And again…….
As my body calms, you whisper promises of more to come and I can still feel you hard and strong inside me………You slowly release yourself from my body, turning me around to face you. You pull my arms up to encircle your neck and you bend to kiss my mouth. Between kisses you murmur, "wash me" So I do…soaping every inch of you. As I reach that hard and engorged part of you….I soap with extra special attention, up and down you shaft, gliding…then turning you a little to rinse. I lower myself to my knees as I turn you to block the shower spray. Taking you into my hands, I lick, up and down, and you moan low in your throat. I love that sound. I take you fully into my mouth, and I suck you deeply. You grab my arms and say "No, Sweet…not like that" pulling me up to my feet. Kissing my mouth, once more, you turn and turn off the shower. You reach your arms around me, down my back and under my behind and again pick me up to wrap my legs around your waist. You step out of the shower and sit me on the counter, by the sink, and ask me quietly "Are you ready for me, Sweet?" I softly reply "Yes please" and as quickly as that I feel you…….sliding deep….hard and thick…filling me…bringing a moan from my throat. You speak low and deep "Tell me how it feels, Sweet." Your hands grip my hips and you pull back, till you are almost gone….you pause….and plunge hard and deep…and I moan….then breathlessly answer "Full, good…you rub… just… the right spot….intense…" again and again you torment me as I ride the edge of insanity….then after an exquisite eternity, you say "look at me" my eyes lock with yours. You bring your hands under my thighs to under my knees and lift them up over your shoulders. The angle and mood change together. You move more deeply, if possible, more intensely. Your eyes darken with the intensity and you bring your hands up to my breasts. You take each nipple between your fingers and, almost cruely squeeze and twist. I feel the pull… the heat builds. I hoarsely whisper "Harder now, please" you drive yourself deep…again and again. I move my own fingers to touch that place that craves attention….and rub… You say " Yes, I like that…" I rub, you stroke, and the pressure rises once again. I am crying your name as I shudder with release….and this time you are with me, shuddering and groaning with my name on your lips. I feel you give something of yourself to me……… By Dee